seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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