Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
