why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
