I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
