my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
