My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
