you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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