I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
