found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
