My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
