I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
