It was confusing and full of hummus
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
