My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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