Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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