We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I hate your face
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
