so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
