i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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