i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
