Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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