Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
