I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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