No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
