Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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