maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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