he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize