im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
