he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize