did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
