Im at strip club and am horny
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
where are you?
Hypothermia
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
