I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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