Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
ugly people sure do ruin things
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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