it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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