well most of my day revolves around power hour
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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