barbara walters just said penis...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
