Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
