At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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