420 ftw
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
