If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
