i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just high enough for therapy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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