All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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