she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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