mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dicks are not precious.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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