Four minutes until I can fart!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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