Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
