Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
