K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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