At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
