He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
