I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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