It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need a beard to bite.
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