I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
