Who wears a wallet chain?!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize