so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
