Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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