Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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