college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I checked into jail on foursquare
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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