I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
