yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
