Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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