I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
