We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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