i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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