Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
