life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
