OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
