I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
