You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
