All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
